Time of our Lives

[billy]

i've read and re read and read again and i think it could vastly improve with a different set of enjambment. some of the punctuation scratches hairy balls but i'm not able to point it all out so i won't

Bruised blue and broken veined, the corpse of failed intentions
lies between two worlds. Belief made grief the penalty
and no man's land the prize; there are no losers.
Death is paradise..................................

i'm not saying do it this way, just showing one option, there are a few. so i'll give feedback on the other stuff in the body.
near the end the poem becomes very shakespearean (which i enjoyed) the questions posed worked well. some of it verges on cliche but i never saw anything as a real problem that needed smashing away in general i'd have to say the main problem is the enjambment, i think it makes the poem heavy the way it is. ( and yeah, death is heavy )

Bruised blue and broken veined, the corpse
of failed intentions lies between two worlds.
Belief made grief the penalty and no man's land
the prize; there are no losers. Death is paradise
by promise, or heaven is not real. Where lies the
greater difference? We die to live again or this and the next 2 lines are a bit wordy
we die to live no more. We choose our road
to nowhere yet we cry when we are lost.
The body that protects our cranial delusions
is the flesh, the bones, the blood and bile, nice b's
the sweat, the piss and brine leaked tears
of sainted souls; but not by high reward. The sinners,
thieves and sodomists, the sanguine slaughterers of State, sodomists or sodomites?
the creeping killers in the night, and all the foment
of the failed who kick and strike with knife to heart and lung; needs some puntuation
they build themselves with those same mortal blocks.
A flag high held and raised on calcium shanks is just a flag.
The colours change, but they are all the same.
What differs then, in this short term, when by our nature,
we permit kings and gods to make false claims to reverence?
There is no we, for in the end our bruised and battered body lies alone.
We took no sides, we did not have such will; we only thought we cared.
We all are one; except there is a battle all must fight to lose;
Death is one world, and life the other. We all fall in between.
tectak
2013