Are You Not Great?

[C.M.C.]

It sounds good... really good actually! I know that this is critiquing and everyone is here to help each other out. But I feel a bit off using what others wrote. Writing may be an adventure that isn't done alone, and I get that. But still I feel better with me writing the majority of my work. I mean no harm and do not want to seem rude, and would like to thank you for your advice!

If you saw what I did, I pretty much just trimmed words out of what you wrote. I was trying to show you how. Use what you wish, don't use the rest, like I said, the words were already there.

I have been writing some poems for more than ten years now and they still need work.
It is a process, don't be afraid to take out a machete.

milo

Wow... I feel inconsiderate now. Thank you Milo!

---

ok, well this is in serious. As a whole, this doesn't really offer much. The sentence structure and syntax are tortured, it teeters drunkenly between hints of meter and rhyme and handles its rhetoric as hamfistedly as possible. Perhaps you are connected to the subject matter? Try switching to third person.

I don’t really care if you think I’m not great. Inefficient/awkward
I’m at least enough to win all your hate. again
You’re spewing out words on deaf ears my friend. again with an added cliche
Did you think I was someone you could offend? This line seems to be your central line. It is actually not terrible but you may as well make it full anapestic tetrameter (Did you think I was someone that you could offend). The only problem is, of course everyone is laughing at you because you are speaking in anapests and earlier I thought you were serious.


I have your attention, positive or not. back to wordiness and you abandoned the cheeky meter.
I do not think this is the ending you sought. and again, plus you are torturing your structure for rhyme which doesn't make sense since there is no consistency to the rhyming.
It appears that you care, more often than not, and again
that I am not someone who hangs on your thought "hangs out on your thought" is the worst poetic construction I have read in weeks

Sticks and stones often break my bones. cliche
I don’t intend on a cliche. don't /say/ it, show it.
But my steel sword of a heart is honed. remember when I said that other line was the worst poetic construction? now this line is..
I find myself empowered not grave. gravity and empowerment are not antonyms as an aside

So am I really not great? I am writing the comment for this whole stanza - it is boring rhetoric, the rhymes are all forced and painful and metrically it is making teh baby Jesus cry.
Or do you just disagree,
dislike the views that you see?
Who knows? You could be a friend to be.
Because this hate does not get to me.

Remember these words.
It’s what you deserve.
Keep my advice in your mind.

Don’t care about hate.
It just makes you great,
when you let it all be fine.

It is challenging to snip through this one properly because you offer so little substance, but I suppose:

I don’t care I’m not great.
I’m all your hate.
spewing out deaf my friend.
Did you think I was someone that you could offend?

your attention
I do not think the ending
appears more often
that I am not someone who hangs
stones break bones.
I don’t intend
my steel sword is honed.
I find my grave.

So am I

the views that you see?
You could be a friend.


Remember
you deserve.
my advice

care
It just makes
you be fine.

So I would say you might want to move this one to novice or gentle.

I don't care I'm not great I'm not someone who hangs
did you think you had found a new friend?
I've got sticks. I've got stones and recalcitrant bangs
I don't care, I'm not great. I'm not someone who hangs
around here to care for your venomous fangs
just some dipstick for you to offend.
I don't care. I'm not great. I'm not someone who hangs.
Did you think that you found a new friend?

milo

I'm kind of frustrated trying to understand the meters or if there is any. It kind of hard for me to free write with no general structure. This might not work for me, I may tinker with it in the future though.