03-23-2013, 05:31 PM
I have a bit of a thing for Kali, I confess -- strong goddess, doesn't take any nonsense from anyone, but she still looks after her children and woe betide anyone who threatens the home she protects. Why "canvass"? Typo, or is she in marketing?
Instead of "like she's drowning", what about "as if she's drowning"? Just softer sounds is all, to continue the sibilance.
Would the last line work better on its own, rather than as part of that stanza?
Small things -- I am yet to decide why I like this, but I do.
Instead of "like she's drowning", what about "as if she's drowning"? Just softer sounds is all, to continue the sibilance.
Would the last line work better on its own, rather than as part of that stanza?
Small things -- I am yet to decide why I like this, but I do.
It could be worse