Do you ever just feel crazy?

[softlyfalling]

Golly. I used to be happy I couldn't cry.
Now I realize it's probably partly the reason for my bouts of mania.

I think my friends think I'm ok, which is what matters.

That is altruistic, but probably not the case. More likely, the friends who love you pretend to think you are ok so that you will see yourself as ok when reflected in their eyes. That is what friends do, after all. Unlike poetry, love never needs to be corrected or critiqued. If it is genuine and pure.
I spent a very very long time without a single tear. But in all that time, I never once laughed. Or even smiled very often. I could feel not even feel physical pain...i was impervious to everything. Broken. Alone. But, of course, on the inside, i raged and suffered. In the end, it is much better to go ahead and cry.