03-22-2013, 04:42 AM
Hi Medusa,
L3: Maybe a tense change "are poking" to "poke"
L4: Instead of peace of mind can you come up with an image that expresses the idea.
L5-7: I like the cadence of these lines.
L8: Again I wonder about present tense "stretch". I like the motion you introduce into the poem.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
L3: Maybe a tense change "are poking" to "poke"
L4: Instead of peace of mind can you come up with an image that expresses the idea.
L5-7: I like the cadence of these lines.
L8: Again I wonder about present tense "stretch". I like the motion you introduce into the poem.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
(03-21-2013, 01:43 PM)Medusa Wrote: You don't owe me happiness--
a soft place to fall
when bones are poking through the skin,
and when peace of mind wears thin,
don't look to fix and mend,
don't lift and push and bend,
just reach.
Fingers stretched towards me--
I'll see.
And even if we don't make contact today,
I'll know.
I'll know that you are here to stay.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson