03-22-2013, 12:06 AM
if anyone is overly rude, report them to a mod, if it's deemed the feedback is just feedback they'll say so. if they see it as rude, they'll do something about it. we have rules up the kazoo about being honest and fair. we don't allow attacks on poets. what we do ask in serious is straight talking feedback about the poem. if we think a poem is shit, we certainly won't say we thing it's shit, we should, if we're honest and trying to help the poet improve the poem, say
the poem is bad and here's why. you're rhyme is shot to shit, if you use rhyme try and make it perfect. a meter might help out with the flow though i suspect you need to remove the 5 or 7 lines of yoda-speak, the syntax makes no sense, the piece is full of cliche, (i'll offer a few suggestions if it's cliche-riddled.) there are 14 lines in a sonnet not 12.
lines so and so are keepers, they create a vision in the readers mind and are solid images, try and emulate the quality of these lines else where, mention love 9 times is about 7 times to many. words like hope, hate, emotions, pain, fear are bogging the poem down, describe us about such things without simply stating a word, if i had to give feedback like that, i'd probably just move the piece to novice where such in-depth feedback wouldn't be given (in the hope of not crushing the poets feelings in one blow, and allowing other poets to give feedback on poems that are better suited to the serious forum.
milo's refrain would get none of the above feedback were it in serious,
off me he'd get feedback like: Really solid form, the refrain works really well and it doesn't feel forced.
the choice of form carries the satire with better grace than many others would the one nit for me are the ellipsis, they might work if you Cordon sanitaire that line, my choice would be to lose them and make the line different some other way if you really want to.
the poem is bad and here's why. you're rhyme is shot to shit, if you use rhyme try and make it perfect. a meter might help out with the flow though i suspect you need to remove the 5 or 7 lines of yoda-speak, the syntax makes no sense, the piece is full of cliche, (i'll offer a few suggestions if it's cliche-riddled.) there are 14 lines in a sonnet not 12.
lines so and so are keepers, they create a vision in the readers mind and are solid images, try and emulate the quality of these lines else where, mention love 9 times is about 7 times to many. words like hope, hate, emotions, pain, fear are bogging the poem down, describe us about such things without simply stating a word, if i had to give feedback like that, i'd probably just move the piece to novice where such in-depth feedback wouldn't be given (in the hope of not crushing the poets feelings in one blow, and allowing other poets to give feedback on poems that are better suited to the serious forum.
milo's refrain would get none of the above feedback were it in serious,
off me he'd get feedback like: Really solid form, the refrain works really well and it doesn't feel forced.
the choice of form carries the satire with better grace than many others would the one nit for me are the ellipsis, they might work if you Cordon sanitaire that line, my choice would be to lose them and make the line different some other way if you really want to.