03-21-2013, 06:30 PM
hi Joshua
Just some overall comments: a sort of warm glow spread across me as I read it, it has a nice, hopeful message. But I'm having a hard time with the rhythm as I read... because every stanza is so different it's hard to get into a groove while reading.
"So as bubbling streams glisten in the dark,
And the nightly blanket befalls this Park," <-- this one particularly tripped me up.
Perhaps you could try shortening some of the lines, it may help.
Just some overall comments: a sort of warm glow spread across me as I read it, it has a nice, hopeful message. But I'm having a hard time with the rhythm as I read... because every stanza is so different it's hard to get into a groove while reading.
"So as bubbling streams glisten in the dark,
And the nightly blanket befalls this Park," <-- this one particularly tripped me up.
Perhaps you could try shortening some of the lines, it may help.
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.