03-21-2013, 02:13 PM
Those first three lines are lovely. Soft landing places and broken bones in the same image contrast well.
L4: how does peace of mind wear thin? It's a metaphor, but what peace of mind is being compared to is not clear, which suggests it's cliche.
Maybe instead of 'make contact' you might use 'touch'?
A pretty nice read, and an agreeable sentiment.
Mikey.
L4: how does peace of mind wear thin? It's a metaphor, but what peace of mind is being compared to is not clear, which suggests it's cliche.
Maybe instead of 'make contact' you might use 'touch'?
A pretty nice read, and an agreeable sentiment.
Mikey.