03-21-2013, 02:04 PM
Sure! I like the theme on the last two lines, but given that other line, I know that it can go deeper. Since the theme (to me) is about being unable to escape the cold darkness, perhaps the last stanza could summarize and epitomize the whole poem in a vivid and succinct metaphor/piece of imagery.
Some ideas for the last lines (feel free to disregard, use etc):
1. The coldest embrace of the darkness, I am gripped by loneliness.
2. Trapped within infinite darkness, I tremble in my sleep.
3. Alone in indifferent darkness, I tremble in fetal position.
Some ideas for the last lines (feel free to disregard, use etc):
1. The coldest embrace of the darkness, I am gripped by loneliness.
2. Trapped within infinite darkness, I tremble in my sleep.
3. Alone in indifferent darkness, I tremble in fetal position.