03-21-2013, 04:37 AM
I agree with Mikey about "I am" sounding odd as it is -- although if you stuck a comma before it, you would actually get some meaning shift with the enjambment (it could be read "reacquainted with death, I am/ seeing daylight" or "reacquainted with death, I am seeing daylight".
The colours of the remains -- such unusual adjectives for body bits, this works really well for me.
The last line is terrific.
The colours of the remains -- such unusual adjectives for body bits, this works really well for me.
The last line is terrific.
It could be worse
