03-21-2013, 12:06 AM
your edits are amazing. Your first draft was good but you made it great with some of those rewrites. I love the play on words within the lines and the additions like: oozes in incremental drips of putrid atrophy
it speaks death well, maybe too well. I will not read this one at night, haha..
but really this is a great piece and you have gone along way with it. I do not have any real advice at this point but maybe
take out an: An ill borne blossom out of season, she refuses to thrive.
it speaks death well, maybe too well. I will not read this one at night, haha..
but really this is a great piece and you have gone along way with it. I do not have any real advice at this point but maybe
take out an: An ill borne blossom out of season, she refuses to thrive.
...(s)he has trouble acting normal when she's nervous
Poetry in motion, played out in the mind of madness
Poetry in motion, played out in the mind of madness