Harlequin

[tectak]

Yes to the hyphen.

Don't understand the capital letter bit when the previous line ends with a comma.

Don't understand the last point at all.

Hello bloggs,
I got ahead if myself and changed the comma to a full stop after enmity...fell asleep...woke up and noticed the lack of capital letter after the full stop.
Regarding the comma storm. The last run of "points" reads breathlessly if read out loud. There is a tendency to dimish the functionality of the poor commas to simply suit the reader's oratorial interpretation. In other words, the use of the comma is dimished just because it is gratuitous. This may be deliberately liberating in the piece, but I like the poet to give me clear instructions...if only to let me disagree with some conviction
Best,
tectak

They are meant to read breathlessly - Lungs straining...

Hi bloggs,
exactly my point so why put them in at all?
Best,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
tectak

To make you breathless when you read them...

Result, then
Phew!
Best,
tectak. (great piece)