03-20-2013, 08:07 PM
I really like this one Bloggsworth, you capture the feel of sport competition really well. You have so many great bits... "sweat-wet shirts" and "twinned stench of beer and body-odour" are probably my favorites. Nicely done.
As far as what tectak said, I agree that so many commas isn't very aesthetically pleasing, but I see your point about how they make the reader breathless. Without them the poem would flow more leisurely, which isn't really what you want.
As far as what tectak said, I agree that so many commas isn't very aesthetically pleasing, but I see your point about how they make the reader breathless. Without them the poem would flow more leisurely, which isn't really what you want.
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.