03-20-2013, 05:18 AM
Okay, I have been really thinking over this for awhile, and I am unsued to the editing features of this site yet but.. below is my humble suggestions. I just made the changes.. which I am sure is wrong but I bolded them.. please let me know if this is in bad taste. thanks!
Today, upturned, I look for the lie,
strawberry syrup disguising the base <-removed the
which drips from the tongue of the mockingbird mime <-changed to which
to a crystal decanter of sky.
Where truffle pigs root through a midden of pearls
all stamped with a date of expiry
inspiring stampedes as the dogma decrees
a sniff from its perch in the sun.
And nobody looks in their pockets,
nobody stands on the ground; instead
they despair, with their feet in the air
yet I bleed, but their glasses are empty. <-removed and and added yet
Today, upturned, I look for the lie,
strawberry syrup disguising the base <-removed the
which drips from the tongue of the mockingbird mime <-changed to which
to a crystal decanter of sky.
Where truffle pigs root through a midden of pearls
all stamped with a date of expiry
inspiring stampedes as the dogma decrees
a sniff from its perch in the sun.
And nobody looks in their pockets,
nobody stands on the ground; instead
they despair, with their feet in the air
yet I bleed, but their glasses are empty. <-removed and and added yet
...(s)he has trouble acting normal when she's nervous
Poetry in motion, played out in the mind of madness
Poetry in motion, played out in the mind of madness