Turbulence

[tectak]

The exhaust note drones, smooth without turbulence, I ask as a seeker of knowledge. Is this tautology or can you have smooth with turbulence?
breathing is heavy, condensing on leather, echoes to ears,
silent blue expands, shrinking the simplicity of my craft.

Underneath tapping in the slip stream, Do you mean" Underneath, tapping in the slip stream" or " Underneath tapping, in the slipstream" This is the problem with inconsistent punctuation...inconsistent translation.
trapped on the red button, mission incomplete, Like this. Understand this
retreat, I hold the horizon dear, fear friction. Why do you fear friction. I want the poem to tell me more.

A paper theatre stages the home coming hero,
figures move each embrace, father cups child’s face,If comma here, why capitalise next line. You didn't L1 to L2. Consistency is the signature of competancy. Sign here.
Hands shake betray my steel, quickens my beat.You supply the words but not the order. Excitement, I guess....but I am guessing. Betraying.

Pockets of air slap hard to move and sink my pit, Help me with your pit. Stomach: pit of. Typo: putt. ??
the players stop to look, nemesis unhooked, Ah, thought so. We are flying over a golf course. No? Bugger
tapping turns tranquil away my burden drops. Punctuate to claritify. Tapping turns tranquil away, my burden drops? Tapping turns. Tranquil away ! My burden drops? Tapping turns tranquil; away my burden drops? YES...but you are flying inverted

Farm yard kitchen, tea towel over sink, bacon sizzling,
tiny shoes have just brought in fresh eggs, Lovely. Ditch the rest and sell this stanza on its own.
she smiles at the whistling, looks up at the morning,
moments before the bomb slams through the roof.

Hmmm. Against the grain, for me, I find that the "meaning" (how I hate that word) is of great import in this piece. You have set off a number of cameo "events" that with some great certainty mean something to you. I am left uncomfortably inadequate to the task of understanding. So...what's wrong with it? Or me.
OK. We are on a bomb run in what seems to be Gloucester Gladiator, or if flimsier,a Tiger Moth. See, this is what S1 encourages. Then we get all wrapped up in detail which has nowt to do with the mission. To be honest, I would, and could, enjoy the piece if it stayed in this vein but there is more. Punctuation. Say no more.
S2 is breathless prose. It kind of works. Thoughts are fragmented by the excitement...but it is not clear. Listing thoughts is liable to prod this reader into the give-me-more camp. S2 suffers significantly from information let-down. Esoteric word use, like "tapping" does not help. You use the word again and so now I need to make sure it is not some aviation buzz-word: and maybe it is but I cannot reference it. So I am now irritated at myself even though it is your fault
Look, can I say right now that I am not good at this "meaning" crit. I may revert.
S3, lost me.
S4, buried me.
S5. Well, I just got home again. Fuck me! What's that.
No. Not clear enough for me.
Best,
tectak