03-19-2013, 06:48 PM
hi TOMH
I agree with Mikey on all his points. the image of bombing a farm doesn't really work, so I kept trying to think of what you meant... maybe the bombs dropped on accident? maybe this is rural Iraq/Afghanistan and the farm is a hideout? maybe it's just a case of urban chicken raising, which happens a lot in less developed cities? however you mean it, a bit more clarity would be a good thing, because these aren't the questions I want to ask after having read a poem 2-3 times.
on the other hand, I love some of your plane descriptions. "silent blue expands, shrinking the simplicity of my craft. " <-- just lovely.
=]
I agree with Mikey on all his points. the image of bombing a farm doesn't really work, so I kept trying to think of what you meant... maybe the bombs dropped on accident? maybe this is rural Iraq/Afghanistan and the farm is a hideout? maybe it's just a case of urban chicken raising, which happens a lot in less developed cities? however you mean it, a bit more clarity would be a good thing, because these aren't the questions I want to ask after having read a poem 2-3 times.
on the other hand, I love some of your plane descriptions. "silent blue expands, shrinking the simplicity of my craft. " <-- just lovely.
=]
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.