Cosmic Drowning

[Keith]

Siren soul-stealers whispered in her melancholy ear, [b]Tells me she’s vulnerable, soul stealers gives the game away early was this your intention ?
“Come out, come out. My little child, come here.” I like the build up in this
In such a darkness, cremation flames appeared as hearth- hearth as in centre of the family home ?
The wingless angel stepped off of the earth. do you need of ?On distant beach, the sea cast mermaid shadows as she drowned;
With gentle judgment, lay her body down. [/b] really like these last two lines, great images

Hi softlyfalling
Your opening grabs me but gives the game away, you could start with whispers and I really like melancholy ear. The build with voices in her head adds to the mystique of the whispers, not sure about hearth but that probably just me and anyway the line works ie tricked into feeling secure. the angel reference spoils the line for me, you could leave it at wingless and I would have enjoyed the falling imaged, could be spiraling? just a thought. The last two lines are great and do your poem justice. Hope this helps and I wont be offended if you ignore all thats said because I enjoyed the read. Thanks TOMH