Never written a poem.

[Mattzilla303]

Thanks for the feedback, I know it could definitely use some of the techniques you listed, I'm just not the best with them but I will keep working on it. I changed it a little, is it sounding any better or worse?

Hi Mattzilla303, welcome to the forum. What you have here is something I would call prose, having said that I do sense emotion behind the piece which is nice, but it is just nice- I want it to take my breath away. Think metaphor, simile, personification and how would you describe such love in a concrete image- goodluck.

saeity.