03-19-2013, 04:41 AM
Thanks Leanne, The form doesn't come naturally to me. Let me do some of what you suggest. I felt that bump on the slate line when I read it too, I just wasn't sure what to do with it. I like your suggestion.
As to the hours passed...
Again see your point. Considered that point when I wrote it.
I felt he was sort of bragging. I could change it if it simply comes off as the author writing some "sexual healing" piece. I sort of felt here's Simon. He's been drawing these universes for the past 8 years. He probably isn't much outside of this land of chalk. In it though, he's sort of a big deal. He draws a girl, and then when he tells his story to his friends what's he going to day. He's no older than 16 in my mind here. I think of him more as an untrustworthy narrator. The form doesn't give me the space to develop that much. Open to suggestions if you can think of any.
So, in conclusion: What can I say, he's a young idiot.
As to the hours passed...
Again see your point. Considered that point when I wrote it.
I felt he was sort of bragging. I could change it if it simply comes off as the author writing some "sexual healing" piece. I sort of felt here's Simon. He's been drawing these universes for the past 8 years. He probably isn't much outside of this land of chalk. In it though, he's sort of a big deal. He draws a girl, and then when he tells his story to his friends what's he going to day. He's no older than 16 in my mind here. I think of him more as an untrustworthy narrator. The form doesn't give me the space to develop that much.
Open to suggestions if you can think of any. So, in conclusion: What can I say, he's a young idiot.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson