Sun Come Shine

[abu nuwas]

I rather like this affair - is -over poem, for its brevity and play on words (lie, cold, absorb, take in). I would hasard the guess (because that is what people do with guesses), that you were inspired by the first two lines -- which rhyme. I think it a pity you did not throw in one or two more to maintain that taut, yet not too serious tone. For me also, the longer lines would be better chopped up or replaced, even if it meant another couple of lines, and breaking it up into two short stanzas. I also wondered about the speaker's seemingly superior position: it rang a little hollow..

I hope this helps,if you edit.

E