03-18-2013, 02:22 PM
The speaker is pretty hard to connect to.
We see speaker speaking to someone, either actually or in imagination. Good. The speaker wants to understand this person they're speaking to. Good. But speaker tells us almost nothing about their own inner world. We can't really feel the feelings that they're feeling, and we can't know why they're feeling them.
Maybe tell us the reason speaker fears, or grieves, or sheds a tear. How does it feel to them when they do any of those things. Are they hot when they cry? Do they feel nauseated when their afraid?
Things like that would be helpful for a reader to know.
Mikey.
We see speaker speaking to someone, either actually or in imagination. Good. The speaker wants to understand this person they're speaking to. Good. But speaker tells us almost nothing about their own inner world. We can't really feel the feelings that they're feeling, and we can't know why they're feeling them.
Maybe tell us the reason speaker fears, or grieves, or sheds a tear. How does it feel to them when they do any of those things. Are they hot when they cry? Do they feel nauseated when their afraid?
Things like that would be helpful for a reader to know.
Mikey.