winter in the midwest, revision

[Todd]

Well I've found my favorite piece from you so far. These are minor suggestions because the poem holds together well:

I don't think you need L3. Your imagery and content already spell that out.

L4-5: these two may be improved by making some comparison to lock the fade and blight more solidly into a concrete image.

L13-14: I love these trampled snow lines. You may want to match one adjective with each color rather than sharing the final two.

Alternatively, it could be "a mask called nighttime"

Love your first line, your mood, and your use of colors both inside and outdoors.

Lovely poem.

Best,

Todd

Lack of color kills me
slow death eating away
at morale.
Golden sun faded
blue sky blighted.
Both feeble, cannot entwine
and create earth's green
far below.

Head weary
midday
I'm left gazing down
at weathered boots
and ground of trampled whites
unpure, sorry browns and greys.

Something tugs inside my ribs.

The early creep
of moonlit black
is almost
sweet relief;
perhaps the color
is hiding
behind the mask
of nighttime,

as I seek.

The thought isn’t enough,
curled inside my room
of orange and green and blue
with every light turned on.
I avoid the window's glare
drag my eyes away
focus on bright screens
and words from people
far away.