Retrospective Losses edit 1. Input milo.

[tectak]

Time cements and paralyses, through due consideration.
Once what was impulse now is thought
and circumstance. Weighed, tested, tried then stamped…
approved. The assay mark says fit for use;
suitably bland, confirmed now good for public health.

Who cares a damn for what is clean or what is safe to swallow?
Once what was novel now but few delights,
or offends the many mild and voiceless;
who nonetheless obstruct us with their faint and feeble fears.
Bandage up your weeping words and walk your way to freedom!

Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice.
What then was theory now is hard-edged fact,
so argue if you will; polemics push us to the edge
of new and fearsome heights. Some will fly whilst others
hurtle downwards:martyrs to their sweet, enlightened death.

Offend you? No, unless you think I can; but nor you, me.
Once what was comment now becomes a slight against small souls.
Can we who speak say nothing anymore? What do you want,
you who slyly crave the bow and curtsy of respect?
Is there more of value than the naked truth? You would say, yes.

Wouldn't you?

tectak
2013

Hello there.

I like "Blisters on my tongue are there because I have a voice". THe rest has so much abstraction and not much imagery. Of course I am not a fan of didactic poetry but still:

time, consideration, impulse, thought, circumstance, health, many, theory, fact, polemics, freedom, etc. So many nouns so little to chew on if you know what I mean.

other than that, the "whilst" seems too archaic and the "nor" is if not grammatically incorrect at least awkward enough.

Thanks for sharing.

milo

Hi milo,
Many thanks for the insight though I would argue Poe's corner in denying you the didactic definition I thought I was ranting rather than moralising...the heresy of the preacher Nonetheless, if you felt informed by the piece I guess it is an unwanted bonus for you and a revelation for me!
Nouny? Yes, I concur but many is one less. I could trawl through this and scoop up the red herrings but I think I may catch too many sprats....the bigger fish are usually adjectival; I over fished them long ago. Fuck these rubber metaphors, they won't leave me alone.
Sorry...sorry..what were we saying...ah yes....the whilst and the nor. Again, I can take your point, but what was it? The useage is correct but awkward? I will look to change both....a challenge...what to do? Incorrect but facile, perhaps
You have given me some great insight to my own failings in this one...thank you. I have no excuses...I disagree with you only on your understanding of what constitutes didactic verse....this piece is opinionated in my opinion but should in no way be considered informative! Do you write poetry, by the by?
Best,
tectak