Desire

[Aphroditeny]

Hi again. Pretty sombre topic.

The bad man/person seems, at times, to be in the speaker, while is external to the speaker in other ways. Is this intentional?

Second, your rhyme scheme isn't totally consistent, which suggests you were going with the flow a bit. That's good, but you still seem to be forcing rhymes. Maybe chase the rhyme a little less and then cut out any line that isn't contributing an essential element. I'm pretty sure you can afford to remove some material.

Mikey.

Thanks Mikey,
I edited and took out some of the lines there were not needed.
Thanks for your review