A Poem: Edit

[brandontoh]

On the couch in my basement - -- This first line doesn't really capture my attention. One suggestion is to switch the order of line 1 and 2, or try to illustrate the setting throughout the whole poem instead. Also, I think that to further immerse readers in your poem, you can try to add more and describe how the character is sitting/lying on the couch, and the texture of the couch etc.
You’re rouge, soft and sinful.

We are drawn like salt from taint.
Our hands flirt, as do our toes. -- Nice lines, really like the playful image here.
Finally, entangle.
Tighten. -- I like the word choices, but find that the punctuation is a little off-putting. Maybe a semicolon instead of a period at 'entangle'?

Its wrong
Like Humbert and Lolita;
Jesse and Zee
And the like -- Punctuation seems to be absent here. You do make your image clearer though, so the stanza works.

Oh but it feels
More familiar than breathing. -- Personally I don't like the use of 'familiar' unless you're saying that they've done it so many times before.

Our grapple resumes -- 'Resumes' is not an apt word choice in my opinion. Did the character pause just to have a monologue? I think not.
And our fumes intoxicate and we’re drunk past surrender
And fires rush our guts – the inextinguishable kind.
And spinning hastens
And shadows dance
And regret will always be for the young. -- This stanza feels like it should be read out loud. The intensity, and the energy that you're trying to get across is there, but the buildup is kind of lacking. I'd suggest working on the 'familiar like breathing' stanza a little more.

And so we laud our imminent doom
And bathe in its eternality.

Overall, I like the poem, but feel that it has potential to be more evocative. Thanks for the read, and hope I'm of help! =)

Edits, thanks to Todd. Could use some more direction/help with a title.

For the title, maybe 'Wishing Thinking', 'Perfect Mistake', or 'Abandon'. Just some suggestions. =x