Poetry Chess 2: Todd vs Brandon

[brandontoh]

Hmm, I really don't like that poem though. The whole thing feels really forced. Anyways, your poem is really nice. I like how each stanza is a different image and how the whole thing still manages to fit together. There's nothing I'd change, other than maybe the 'pressed keys on piano' line. It's the only one that sort of falls flat I feel, mainly because the simile doesn't really work for me. Something like 'as black and white starkly divided,/yet integrated behind the scene like piano keys.' perhaps? The suggestion sucks. Arrgh.

Here's my move and poem.

Ambition
Qd5

I told my dad,
'I want to be a writer when I grow up!'
He replied with a plastic smile,
'Don't look at trees you cannot climb.'

I told my mum,
‘I want to be a writer when I grow up!’
She snided,
‘Why not a real job?’

I told my sister,
‘I want to be a writer when I grow up!’
She obligated,
‘Yeah, sure, uh huh.’

I told myself,
‘I want to be a writer when I grow up!’
And I turned into one right there and then.