03-13-2013, 07:25 AM
(03-13-2013, 06:59 AM)saeity Wrote: Thanks for all your feedback gratefully received,;-) yes, it is.editing is sooo difficult!
saeity.
I like your revision.
"She’d seen many others lose their castles,
and watched their horses fall. Aged
and armed
to scribe and enable charm,
still; he was no match for her intrepid
nature. Having never played the game before,
believing there’s no sin
in all or nothing. Losing,
was never going to be an objective
however well observed."
One point: the enjabment bridging is unusual but might work. I'll leave it to our fellow poets to decide (and finally to you of course). It is ok with me.
One of those poems I would like to be recited.
cheers
serge

editing is sooo difficult!