03-12-2013, 06:56 AM
I should say that this poem's content has promise, and the form is not at all bad. The narrative is orderly and I do find myself invested in it to the end. I hope you'll post more.
It would be helpful to me if you went into more detail about what the trophy means to speaker and to the world. This would make the efforts expended by speaker even more sympathetic.
Also, I've removed my line-by-line, as I understand its not appropriate for this forum. If you'd like line by line comment consider the mild critique forum.
Remember to read your work out loud in a neutral voice, to see how it reads.
EDIT: removed line by lines.
Mikey.
It would be helpful to me if you went into more detail about what the trophy means to speaker and to the world. This would make the efforts expended by speaker even more sympathetic.
Also, I've removed my line-by-line, as I understand its not appropriate for this forum. If you'd like line by line comment consider the mild critique forum.
Remember to read your work out loud in a neutral voice, to see how it reads.
EDIT: removed line by lines.
Mikey.