03-12-2013, 01:53 AM
i quiet like it.
is the 2nd we needed?
the last two lines feel like a dare.
i also like the milk line.
the lack of punctuation works well and on the whole thers an image of love hate going on. do you need the first line as it's also the tite? i like the title in the lst line, it makes a good hook.
is the 2nd we needed?
the last two lines feel like a dare.
i also like the milk line.
the lack of punctuation works well and on the whole thers an image of love hate going on. do you need the first line as it's also the tite? i like the title in the lst line, it makes a good hook.