03-11-2013, 05:24 AM
Hi Jamie, personally feel this piece would benefit a longer line structure, it would slow the piece down dramatically
There's a light that shines in this broken time, of designer crime;
and gun slinging gangster rhyme in a time that's blind,
there's a light that shines.
I'm enjoying the repetition just not entirely sold on the rhyming maybe a tad overkill, particularly in the first stanza. There's nothing that cannot be worked on though
saeity.
There's a light that shines in this broken time, of designer crime;
and gun slinging gangster rhyme in a time that's blind,
there's a light that shines.
I'm enjoying the repetition just not entirely sold on the rhyming maybe a tad overkill, particularly in the first stanza. There's nothing that cannot be worked on though
saeity.