03-11-2013, 01:15 AM
Hi Mrfurly,
I'm not a big fan of "I don't apologize but I'm sorry" in the first stanza but overall I think it's a pretty good opener referencing emotional abuse and self hatred (represented especially in the last line). But I think I felt like I could've used a little more here. Maybe you can add a few more images for us to think about.
Should be "man's" in the S2L1?
L3 is a problem for me. You mention "don't get it confused" I stumbled over what "it" was here
And same problem with "That" on the next line.
I do understand the reference to Jameson all too well! And I appreciate this addition to the poem, I think it helps me understand the struggle you are having with this person. (It's my understanding that perhaps they helped you get sober, so now a part of you feels like you owe them something even though the relationship appears to not be healthy)
Well anyways. Hope this was of some use.
Thanks for the read
-M
I'm not a big fan of "I don't apologize but I'm sorry" in the first stanza but overall I think it's a pretty good opener referencing emotional abuse and self hatred (represented especially in the last line). But I think I felt like I could've used a little more here. Maybe you can add a few more images for us to think about.
Should be "man's" in the S2L1?
L3 is a problem for me. You mention "don't get it confused" I stumbled over what "it" was here
And same problem with "That" on the next line.
I do understand the reference to Jameson all too well! And I appreciate this addition to the poem, I think it helps me understand the struggle you are having with this person. (It's my understanding that perhaps they helped you get sober, so now a part of you feels like you owe them something even though the relationship appears to not be healthy)
Well anyways. Hope this was of some use.
Thanks for the read
-M