Split me open

Split me open

Michelle311 Offline

Junior Member

Posts: 24
Threads: 2
Joined: Feb 2013

03-10-2013, 08:05 PM

Hi Tommy,

Good edit Smile

I think that "You will not like it, you will see" is weak, and I'm not a big fan of the wording anyway.

I like "I've grown accustomed to the rot" but then to use grows again on the following line seems redundant. Maybe look this over and see if the repetition is something that you want.

I think the second stanza is strong.

Thanks for the read Smile

-M

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Messages In This Thread

Split me open - by Tommy - 03-09-2013, 10:45 AM

RE: Split me open - by Aphroditeny - 03-09-2013, 11:02 AM

RE: Split me open - by newsclippings - 03-09-2013, 12:16 PM

RE: Split me open - by billy - 03-09-2013, 05:50 PM

RE: Split me open - by Tommy - 03-10-2013, 06:19 AM

RE: Split me open - by serge gurkski - 03-28-2013, 01:51 AM

RE: Split me open - by Michelle311 - 03-10-2013, 08:05 PM

RE: Split me open - by Jamie - 03-10-2013, 10:20 PM

RE: Split me open - by cidermaid - 03-10-2013, 10:31 PM