03-10-2013, 09:57 AM
(03-10-2013, 06:05 AM)Leanne Wrote: "ride against the chain"? Have you gone all emo forced rhymer on us? Ick.Hi leanne,
While admiring your facility with separate elements (parentheses in the dark), I confess all I could think about while I was reading this was a scene from Anchorman involving a rainbow, a unicorn and the line "Take me to Pleasure Town"
This one needs work! I am trying out a couple more of these cerebral conversations. This one was based on a spot of bother in Yauksheer with girls being drawn into prostitution and being taught the ropes ( there is a pun in there somewhere) by older (13-15 yr old) girls. The usual teenage girls bedroom with boy band pics and barbie dolls locked away has seemingly been supplemented with chains, fluffy handcuffs and web-cams. Shock horror.
Porn is about to be banned.
What will we write about?
Anyway back to crit. I wanted the chain thing in there somewhere but simple rhymes are prone to cries of "forced!"...you are still right, though.
I will give it another coat of looking at. Things are a bit quiet right now though serge does his best to defacate with considerable gutsy volume...I can hear him coming a mile off; another pun. I confess to not knowing Anchorman.
Best,
thanks,
(must do better)
tectak


