A Poem: Edit

[Todd]

Thanks! Happy to move it back. I'll come back to comment.

---

A couple comments for you. First, I'd love to see a title here to draw me in.

You are on the couch in my basement ---this may be a bit arbitrary but since I interpret line 2 as rogue makeup and not a rogue, I might suggest cutting the you are on line 1 and adding a Your to lead off line 2. I like that it's set in the basement as it gives it a seedy implication.
Rouge, soft and sinful.--I like rogue as its used to enhance youthfulness and it plays into your Lolita reference

We are drawn like salt from taint.--nice phrasing, sexual with slang implications
Our hands flirt and so do our toes.--maybe "as" instead of and so
Finally, entangle.
Tighten.

Its wrong
Like Humbert Humbert
And Lolita--I like the reference but when I read your regret line later it seems like a shared regret. Meaning they both seem young. This may be an example of where a title would help. Something is wrong okay, it's hard for me to determine what exactly
And the likes--maybe better as "and the like"

Oh but it feels right and good
And more familiar than
Breathing.--I would suggest cutting the less interesting right and good and just keep the "Oh but it feels (line break) more familiar than breathing.

Our grapple resumes
And our fumes permeate and intoxicate and we’re drunk past surrender--while I like the internal rhyme I might still suggest cutting permeate and. I think less is more here
And fires rush our guts – the inextinguishable kind.
And spinning hastens
And shadows dance
And regret will always be for the young.

And so we laud our imminent doom
And bathe in its eternality.

No nits on the rush to the ending. I very much enjoyed this. I hope the comments help some.

Best,

Todd

---

Rouge...I need to learn to spell