meditation

[billy]

i think you catured the nirva of what meditation is and how it could affect a person. i enjoyed some of the images, shiver as it shakes the world was excellent. nothing really bad, and mainly just a few nits. while the cap thing is a personal choice, i think this poem would be enhanced with their use. i'm all for poetry that has no caps and no punctuation, but when i see a perion i'm automatically looking for a cap. not arguing or dissenting, just giving feedback on the poem. which i think is almost excellent.

thanks for the read.

wrapped inside out I wander in
and if I’m lucky, can observe
floating soul melding with physical heart,
bridge-linked to my brain—
a nonphysical reaching down, transforming, is a comma needed here?
intimately, infinitely, liltingly onwards,
a process
small beyond my knowledge
too intricate for comprehension

shifting to the realm of the people of the quarks. feels a little wordy, but still works

they shiver and it shakes the world. i love this line. it makes minutia infinitely huge.
fourth dimensional inhabitants of our circled existence,
foreverly larger than the titans of our minds. foreverly? while there is poetic licence and poets do create words. foreverly feels that it just misses the mark.
with parental authority they decide we are too cold
and their tiny hands delicately shove
hovering soul into bodies, willing or not. souls or body
(how could we know what is best?)

with their otherness they border-hop
between spiritual and temporal,
as a model, an exhibition, a test. i think this line dtracts from the two above wich stand perfectly well on their own.

will they ever learn?









(sorry, signature refuses to disappear)