meditation

[Todd]

Hi, welcome to serious . Some comments below:

wrapped inside out I wander in
and if I’m lucky, can observe
floating soul melding with physical heart,
bridge-linked to my brain—
a nonphysical reaching down, transforming,
intimately, infinitely, liltingly onwards,
a process
small beyond my knowledge
too intricate for comprehension

There is some good phrasing in the first strophe. I like lilting onwards and the last two lines especially. Where this breaks down is that it's a bit too abstract. I'd like to see some more concrete imagery to make floating soul, physical heart, and non-physical reaching more evocative and interesting.

shifting to the realm of the people of the quarks.--This is cool. I'm almost tempted to suggest starting the poem here, and blending S1 in later

they shiver and it shakes the world.
fourth dimensional inhabitants of our circled existence,
foreverly larger than the titans of our minds.
with parental authority they decide we are too cold
and their tiny hands delicately shove
hovering soul into bodies, willing or not.
(how could we know what is best?)

This strophe is really nice. The first line here is a much better first line than your current opening. It's the poem within the poem. When I see this sort of thing it makes me thing everything that came before was just to get you here--if that makes sense

with their otherness they border-hop --I like border-hop
between spiritual and temporal,
as a model, an exhibition, a test.--optional: as model, as exhibition, as test.

will they ever learn?
--not a big fan of ending on a question. It can work, but it doesn't feel as strong as you need






(sorry, signature refuses to disappear)

I hope some of that will be helpful.

Best,

Todd