meditation

[tectak]

hey there tectak.

oooyye guess I should've chosen a poem I worked on a bit more for my jump into the serious forum! ;D though having seen some of your other critiques I might say I got off lightly.

thanks for the feedback, but I must respectfully disagree with many of your points. you don't capitalize your name, I don't capitalize the beginnings of my poems. it's a matter of taste, not dogma. also, yes I'm American, but that has no relation to whether or not I should make up words... I do lots of writing, I'm an English teacher, and am often a so-called "grammar Nazi". I love poetry because I get to experiment and be weird. for me, here I can break the rules. hope that explains it a bit, though I doubt you'll be any less bugged.

on the other hand, I see what you mean about the rhythm at the beginning, and I appreciate the horse metaphor, that's a good way to think about it. and yes, it is an idea that's out there a bit, and yes I do need to link the two parts more. so thanks for those thoughts.

oh, and shove delicately-- like how you push a kid on a swing.

thanks for the reply

--goldyfish

Hi goldy,
I hear you. The trouble is, if everyone has their own foibles and freedoms we need to have them listed before we begin crit...otherwise we have no idea what is left to go at! You could, in one bound, be free. All you need to say is whatever the crit is, you don't accept it because that's how it rolls on my street, motherfucker.
We get folks on serious who say speling us not theyre bag, so leeve me alone....others couldn't give a fig for rhythm, they just like to write as it comes....fine, but why post it in serious crit.....ya wanna fight
Yes, shove delicately, kid on a swing...or did you say "push" just then? See what I mean? A shove is an indelicate push

Best,
keep posting and CRIT,
tectak