meditation

[justcloudy]

hey there tectak.

oooyye guess I should've chosen a poem I worked on a bit more for my jump into the serious forum! ;D though having seen some of your other critiques I might say I got off lightly.

thanks for the feedback, but I must respectfully disagree with many of your points. you don't capitalize your name, I don't capitalize the beginnings of my poems. it's a matter of taste, not dogma. also, yes I'm American, but that has no relation to whether or not I should make up words... I do lots of writing, I'm an English teacher, and am often a so-called "grammar Nazi". I love poetry because I get to experiment and be weird. for me, here I can break the rules. hope that explains it a bit, though I doubt you'll be any less bugged.

on the other hand, I see what you mean about the rhythm at the beginning, and I appreciate the horse metaphor, that's a good way to think about it. and yes, it is an idea that's out there a bit, and yes I do need to link the two parts more. so thanks for those thoughts.

oh, and shove delicately-- like how you push a kid on a swing.

thanks for the reply

--goldyfish