03-05-2013, 08:13 PM
tectak,
really enjoyed the poem, it's simple but thoughtful. I saw somewhere (another thread I think?) that you imagine the dying son to be 7-10yrs old. I like the thought and I see where you're coming from, but if you want to stick with that, the 3rd stanza doesn't really work. kids don't know what it sounds like when they
"hear the joy of a new father's pride
or the loss of a mother when a son takes a bride".
just a thought; otherwise I have no qualms.
--goldyfish
really enjoyed the poem, it's simple but thoughtful. I saw somewhere (another thread I think?) that you imagine the dying son to be 7-10yrs old. I like the thought and I see where you're coming from, but if you want to stick with that, the 3rd stanza doesn't really work. kids don't know what it sounds like when they
"hear the joy of a new father's pride
or the loss of a mother when a son takes a bride".
just a thought; otherwise I have no qualms.
--goldyfish
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.