without doing a line by...i read the edit and it works well. though drop in the glass verges on cliche, i think it gets past though, with the continuing mocking bird line.
just to jump in with the 'is it my poem' thing...if ever you've done a homage, or a poem about a poem, or a poem based on a poem or story, or a poem about a person, journey or happenstance, you make a conscious choice. you alter your reality and perceptions to suit the poem you write from something you know or imagine. the world, it's very being tells/shows you what to write... the work is all yours, the influences never are. we have been told what a word is, what a word means, to use them is exactly the same as pondering a suggestion and then using it if we think it fits.
sorry about that leanne
good edit 
just to jump in with the 'is it my poem' thing...if ever you've done a homage, or a poem about a poem, or a poem based on a poem or story, or a poem about a person, journey or happenstance, you make a conscious choice. you alter your reality and perceptions to suit the poem you write from something you know or imagine. the world, it's very being tells/shows you what to write... the work is all yours, the influences never are. we have been told what a word is, what a word means, to use them is exactly the same as pondering a suggestion and then using it if we think it fits.
sorry about that leanne
good edit