Lie Dead

[Keith]

You trick us into believing you don't believe in anything then put a lump in our throats with your summary, Very nice, I have some comments but, great poem. Hope they help, Thanks for the read TOMH

What will I see when I die, father, what will I see when I die? dont think you need the first (when I die) same for all too longand sounds a bit like a prayer, unless thats what your after in which case it works
Can you see the man who is not there,
who smiles as he sits on his old empty chair?
Can you see the stars when the clock chimes out noon Is this a bit long could you take out, out?
or follow the path of the faceless moon,
or see the sun in an overcast sky like this
or watch fat pigs as they go flying by? what you dont believe? I would shorten thisline as I stummbled over as they

What will I feel when I die, father, what will I feel when I die?
Can you feel the west wind on a still, calm day
or the breath on your neck from a statue of clay
or cold sea round your feet as you walk forest paths
or the heat of log fires, long since burnt to ash?Great line packed with goodies

What will I hear when I die, father, what will I hear when I die?
Can you hear the joy of a new father's pride
or the loss of a mother when a son takes a bride
or the pain of the moment when old friends depart
or the anguish of hiding a tired, broken heart? Same, great images

What will I be when I die, father, what will I be when I die?
You will be the man who is not there.
You will be be the west wind on a still calm day.
You will be the joy of a new father's pride.
You will be all these things when you die my son,
You will be all these things when you die. Lump, throat

Follow up to A Father Dies
tectak 2013