03-03-2013, 11:24 PM
Hi Skye,
I liked the simplicity of this and enjoyed the thought flow, but i'm afraid you lost me in the last three lines. I couldn't make a connection between these and the rest of the poem...but that might just be me.
I think some punctuation to help the reader make the intended pauses in this poem.
I liked the image of dates being hard to catch and also those of thoughts leaking out of a fish hold in a ship. You have some good thoughts going on perhaps now try and develop these by building on the images.
Hope this helps AJ.
I liked the simplicity of this and enjoyed the thought flow, but i'm afraid you lost me in the last three lines. I couldn't make a connection between these and the rest of the poem...but that might just be me.
I think some punctuation to help the reader make the intended pauses in this poem.
I liked the image of dates being hard to catch and also those of thoughts leaking out of a fish hold in a ship. You have some good thoughts going on perhaps now try and develop these by building on the images.
Hope this helps AJ.