Today the Flood

[tectak]

Revision 3/3/13

Where the clouds become the earth, the ground
swells and expels its savage regrets.
Windows, shades and summers are trapped
beneath the tempest, waiting
to be born.Great anthropomorphisms here. A favourite of mine. Cannot be improved upon

You encourage exploration –
endless questions placing culverts
for forgotten debris to block, This is a complex line. I think it is the "for" word. Deconstructing: " ...questions placing culverts, for debris to block" throws the causality in to the "placing" ie.placing "for" debris to block. I keep wanting to hear " ..placing culverts to be blocked by forgotten debris." so that the causality relates to an attribute of the culverts. ie they become blocked because they are culverts, not because they are placed. Do I make sense? A nit.

and the light from your eyes
is a drop in the glass
reflecting on yesterday’s mockingbird mime
and a crystal decanter of sky"and...and" seems to imply chain thinking. Afterthoughts. I am not sure that the last line has positional merit...nice line, but why here?

I sip again the nectar that
glistens at the corner of the hour.

Behind the curtains, tomorrow’s promise
melts feebly into soda, lime and
a slag of sorrow. Someone, somewhere,
forgets to press rewind.Slug of sorrow, maybe. Slag? Ozzie for your best mate's woman? Apart from that, just scrumptious

Great stuff. Compact as an atom. Love it but not to pieces.
Best,
tectak

Original

Where the clouds become the earth, the ground
swells and expels its savage regrets.
Windows, shades and summers are trapped
beneath the tempest, waiting
to be born.

You encourage exploration –
endless questions placing culverts
for forgotten debris to block,

and how can I keep looking inside
when there’s nothing to see but the light from your eyes
reflecting on yesterday’s mockingbird mime
and a crystal decanter of sky?

I
sip again the nectar that
glistens at the corner of the hour.

Behind the curtains, tomorrow’s promise
melts feebly into soda, lime and
a slag of sorrow. Someone, somewhere,
forgets to press rewind.