03-01-2013, 08:14 AM
Hi ellz,
Your writing is very beautiful. I liked towards the ending a lot.
"While our eyes sting and we're blinded
We'll love like charred corpses
In Rings of Rosie, ashes, ashes" - Loved these lines.
"Bathed in moonbeams white as bone" - Very pretty and I like the eeriness of the imagery, it especially jumps out to me the second time I read the poem.
"It was a long day, like everyday that
Bled into the last, endless" - I think this is where I was disconnected a bit. Maybe it's just me. But I kinda feel like the break between the lines is confusing with the reference to never ending days. If that makes sense?
Thanks for the read
Your writing is very beautiful. I liked towards the ending a lot.
"While our eyes sting and we're blinded
We'll love like charred corpses
In Rings of Rosie, ashes, ashes" - Loved these lines.
"Bathed in moonbeams white as bone" - Very pretty and I like the eeriness of the imagery, it especially jumps out to me the second time I read the poem.
"It was a long day, like everyday that
Bled into the last, endless" - I think this is where I was disconnected a bit. Maybe it's just me. But I kinda feel like the break between the lines is confusing with the reference to never ending days. If that makes sense?
Thanks for the read