historical ethics

[billy]

hi goldy, seems a lot but it isn't, mainly just wondering if some of the small words are relevant or needed? other than that i thought it a good poem with some good imagery, i think the ending works well as a hook to endless stream.

thanks for the read.

three fifths

an endless stream
of backs of black why not black backs?
that’s all you were to us.
perpetually bending
scarred
warped with work.

“walk!" we screamed
"obey!” we threatened
"reproduce." we demanded. demanded feels weak

you huddled
heads down
wrapped in colorless blankets. colourles feels a little weak. would something along the hard haired line help as an image?
you reached for hope
while hating it.

and you sang of love is and needed?
from the fields of fabric is the needed?
the love of a creator
thrust upon you
adopted and adapted
for convenience
for survival.

you sang not
of the hushed and silent love
you felt
at night. with the heavy breathing all around heavy breathing feels to easy, could it be (word of choice here) breathing?
loudly lumbering through sleep i love this line
the day was kept away
for some time longer
to refill your heart
(but just enough
and sometimes not…)

blood still screams from
the unforgetting unforgiving ground
seeping upwards
it creeps
it weeps
for a time lost
to innocent malevolence
for a time
of red.

red earth
red skin would welts or stripes work in order to stop any ambiguity?
red cloth
red tears. a small but good ending that leaves the reader wanting to start the read again.



[a theme from my giant "nation of peace" reworked]