For the Love of a Physicist

[cidermaid]

Hi Stalker, This one has had me a bit preplexed as to how to respond.
In some respects i agree with Tectac about this leaving me wanting something more...but i'm at a loss to know what i want from this.

I am the beach, my friend, I don't have any problems with the addrees "my friend" I took this to be addressed to a third party, but equally wander if indeed it is needed at all. I get a sense of snippyness in the address but not sure if it adds enough to warrent being used.


to match each speck of vicious surf

flung from the torment of your frustration. Like both of these lines. Good extension of image.



Those salty waves of fire. This feels a little confused as in the next line you then continue the image of sea / beach. Or I am missing something here.



I am the sand smoothed to

blend the tsunami in your head loved the idea of these two lines, but again agree with tectac to some degree. Would "smoothing the tsunami in your head" work?

with the peace of the mountain’s feet.



The shells, the crabs, the message in a bottle,

noise and spice

for interest’s sake. This was nice



I am not the harbour wall. Good end I thought...but perhaps there is another verse to be written for this piece to fill in some of the gaps

Sorry if this was not much help, or that constructive. I've come back and re-read it several times but can't put my finger on what I can say to be of any use. Thanks for the read....this one feels like it should be something delicious and chewy but somehow it is just not hitting the spot at the
moment. AJ