For the Love of a Physicist

[tectak]

I am the beach, my friend,Strange over-familiarity. Who the hell are you to assume I am your friend? And anyway, I don't associate with beaches.

to match each speck of vicious surfNot happy. "Speck of" and "vicious" are not really ambivalent. "crash" or "blow" or "pound" or "crush" or....well.....anything but "speck" really.

flung from the torment of your frustration.If this is not a cliche it should be.



Those salty waves of fire......and so should this. If I could get the sense out of it I would use it myself. Help.



I am the sand smoothed to

blend the tsunami in your head

with the peace of the mountain’s feet.I could not fail to disagree with this less, Boris. It has that unmistakable "feel" of clarity but it is a mistake. "smoothed to blend" is enigmatic. Coded. Reminiscent, too reminiscent, of "...blend until smooth". I am almost sure that just leaving out "in your head" would let the metaphor run. As it is, you have a "nested" metaphor which moves from the simple to the complex too quickly. The intent clear but the end result is an image difficult to reconcile to the words.



The shells, the crabs, the message in a bottle,

noise and spice

for interest’s sake.Strange verse. I could swap any line with any other line and not get any more, or any less, sense out of it. I am not at my best right now, so it is probably me. It is like a Haiku translated from English to Hindi and back again. Whistful on balance



I am not the harbour wall.Yes. I get this

[b]Hi stalker,
I could be as cruel as the sea with this one because I think it is probably impervious to crit. It is minimalist in an austere and barren way....though this is so very clearly the intent. I confess I still feel hungry after devouring it...and as it is totally lacking in carbohydrates I digested it in seconds. On these words I will leave you to decide which way to go.
Best,
tectak