02-27-2013, 03:05 PM
It is beautiful.
This is serious critique, I know... but every word has been considered and you've clearly rolled them all around in your head before committing to paper (or whatever). The meter is spot on, the long lines are soothing, the alliteration is just enough and no more. The only thing I would suggest is a semi-colon instead of a comma after "ready" in L4.
This is serious critique, I know... but every word has been considered and you've clearly rolled them all around in your head before committing to paper (or whatever). The meter is spot on, the long lines are soothing, the alliteration is just enough and no more. The only thing I would suggest is a semi-colon instead of a comma after "ready" in L4.
It could be worse