On the Death of a Muse (Sonnet)

[billy]

i don't think the caps on every line do you any favours. i keep wanting to pause too long when starting the second line etc. if it's a continuation of a comma the cap extends what should be a shorter pause. great effort, i think it tries just a bit too hard and because of it it overflowes without letting the reader take stock of what' going on. there are a couple of word repetitions that remove something from the poem but it's a great effort. other the depth/protect there's a good solid rhyme scheme at work .

thanks for the read.

A man will vex a hope with hopes that drape
A muse in modern clothes and wanton hide,
She masquerades across an eye’s agape the transition between this and the next line feels jerky.
Secluded ballroom floor where trueness died . . .
She replicates romance’s maxim flux
With taunting twists and dainty dips in-depth,
The floor is hers; she stomps to stamp a crux
Inside assailed eyes where threats protect . . .
A comely muse deceived the man in trance
Whose tattered tongue besought romance’s shy
Imprudent, expert, sterile, spacious dance to many adjectives. makes it feel too forced.
Where passion’s boon did drown in tragic eye . . .
A masquerading muse will dance till men
Eradicate their masks with truth and pen.