02-26-2013, 01:11 AM
Hi Coach757. I've not listened to many spoken word poems, though this does have some elements of a rap to me; reminds me of Mos Def a bit. Could you post the words to go along with this (others mightn't need it, but it always helps for me)?
Some random thoughts. Like "Imperfection but perfect in reverse; that's indirection". Don't like "media's lies commit deception", not for its truth value (which I'm not in position to comment) but more because it sounds overused. Like "inspirations have limitation", but think that rhyming "equations" with "face it" sounds forced. Bit torn on the ending; good message, but would prefer it phrased in less general terms- people say no one's perfect all the time. You need to talk about a more specific situation to make it stand out to the listener...if that makes sense.
Anyway, thanks for the post, enjoyed listening
Gary
Some random thoughts. Like "Imperfection but perfect in reverse; that's indirection". Don't like "media's lies commit deception", not for its truth value (which I'm not in position to comment) but more because it sounds overused. Like "inspirations have limitation", but think that rhyming "equations" with "face it" sounds forced. Bit torn on the ending; good message, but would prefer it phrased in less general terms- people say no one's perfect all the time. You need to talk about a more specific situation to make it stand out to the listener...if that makes sense.
Anyway, thanks for the post, enjoyed listening
Gary